Pollsters

Standard

My phone has been ringing off the hook lately with all the last minute campaigning and polling in advance of tomorrow’s midterm elections. You really have to scramble to answer the phone or those robocalls will hang up before you pick up. I had a robocall last night suggest I vote for a democrat because they were conservative. Apparently, liberal democrat is a pejorative in Oklahoma, but if you are a conservative democrat you might stand a chance. I told the robocaller that there is no such thing as a conservative democrat. Even talking back to some prerecorded spiel makes me feel better, just to get it off my chest.

My latest call was one of those last minute public opinion polls. I always talk gruff with these callers in the beginning, just to make sure that they know that if they want to come to my house to test my tap water, they will have to test the tap water at the Oklahoma State Attorney General’s Office first. Remember the good old days when telemarketing was perfectly legal?

I agreed to answer a few questions, and the pollster began with the simple qualifying question, “Are you registered to vote?”

“Yes, and I’m a legal resident too.”

I never understood why they still ask me my party affiliation after that, but they almost always do.

“Which best describes how likely you are to vote in the upcoming election? I do not plan to vote. I probably will not vote. I will most likely not vote if it rains. I might vote. I will vote if I remember. I will probably vote. I will definitely vote. I will definitely vote early and often.”

“Can you repeat the choices?”

Finally, determining that I am definitely going to vote, the pollster needs to see if I come from the appropriate demographics and then we can continue, so they ask, “In what year were you born?”

I proudly boast, “Nineteen Fifty Five.”

“No more questions.” Click.

A little disappointed not to be part of the opinion poll, I plead with the dial tone, “But people tell me I look young for my age.”

I slowly hang up the phone, reflecting, then chuckling, “I may be too old to matter, but I am not too old to vote.”

See you at the polls.

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