Guns at School


Back in the day, when I was a kid, you could take a machine gun to school. Really. It’s true. The only rule was that we could only shoot them at each other during recess. I remember there was this one kid who had such a loud machine gun that he’d slobber all over everything whenever he’d shoot off a burst of rounds. As a result, no machine guns were ever allowed inside the school hallways and of course, we were always strictly forbidden from discharging our weapons during class or at student assembly. I do not think any of this gun etiquette was actually an official school policy, but rather just an unwritten rule that every kid understood. It was just common courtesy. Plus, unless you were a secret agent and had a silencer on your sidearm, you had no business discharging a weapon inside the classroom anyway.

Fast forward about 50 years.

1st grader, Patrick Riley, was suspended last month from Parkview Elementary School in Oklahoma City for pointing a “hand” gun at the wall during a student assembly. “Him (Riley) and a little girl were just getting bored at an assembly and doing some target practice at the wall,” his mother told KOCO–TV News in Oklahoma City. Searching the web for more information on this story, I was unable to find any reports on the little girl’s punishment. I am thinking that maybe the little girl must of had the end of her fingernail polished in blaze-orange so this genius principal at Parkview knew that the GIRL was only pointing a TOY “hand” gun at the wall.

If you could see me now, you would see me holding the index finger of my own “hand” gun against my temple, snapping back the gun’s hammer with my thumb while simultaneously making a “ka-pow” sound effect, followed up by a quick snap of the head, and then slowly rolling my eyes back before suddenly nodding off… in total wonderment.


5 responses »

  1. If the boys won’t wear the orange nail polish, maybe they could remember to pull an orange plastic cap out of their pocket and stick it on the end of their finger before they start horsing around. Man, I’m glad I didn’t have to think that hard when I was a kid. We just played.

  2. LOL, oh my gosh! It took me hours to remember what you’re talking about with the machine guns. Then I remembered and laughed myself silly. I hadn’t thought about it since like 1973 or something when I was grossed out by all the boy spittle in my pony tails while at the same time being super impressed at their machine gun impersonations!

    • The only thing more dangerous than a machine gun on a school playground is a Mack Truck. You never want to get close to a kid running one of those. They can get very messy.

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