Singing Salamigram

Have you been looking for that “special something” to give that “special someone” this Valentines Day? Did you know that at least half the guys in the world are planning to give their girl flowers on February 14th? The other half? They are giving chocolate.

Do you want to be like every other guy? No, I didn’t think so.

YOU are NOT like every other guy, and YOU want to impress your favorite Gal with a unique gift this Valentines Day. Right?

Then why not give the little lady a thick juicy salami this Valentines Day? This is a gift she will never forget, ever. Believe me. Long after she has forgotten who you are, she will still remember the time some guy gave her a salami for Valentines Day, guaranteed. So why not go all the way this Valentines Day? Give her the whole shebang, give her the Singing Salamigram.

For those of you on a budget who cannot afford the $75, you can still make a lasting impression with the Salami Bouquet carry-out for only $50. And we all know that nothing says “I love you” quite like carry-out.

And… even if you are a loser on a more modest budget, unemployed, and still living in your parent’s basement, you can still go with just a single Long Stem Salami (on a stick). After all, Valentines Day only comes once a year.

Make this a Valentines Day to remember she’ll never forget.

Mac Attack

When my kids were young, I used to swing by McDonald’s on my way home from work every Family Night to pick up Happy Meals. I remember how I always had to make sure I got the right combination of boy and girl toys. The Happy Meals were cheaper on Family Night so as a provider trying to make ends meet, Mickey Dee’s was my lowest cost option. While it is true that my kids loved these little toys, the low price was undoubtedly the overriding factor in my decision.

Today there are several debates raging over the toys that come in Happy Meals.

One point of contention seems to be that McDonald’s specifies the gender preference of its toys. Maybe I am just being a little dense, but I think if a toy is born that way, why not specify? The bashers believe that toys should be gender-neutral. After all, “What father wants his sons to be limited in their choices?” Ah.., me.

Another point of concern surfaced recently because apparently kids in San Francisco are eating these toys and getting fat. I totally understand why the San Francisco Board of Supervisors are trying to curb childhood obesity. After all, fat kids might grow up to become fat adults, and what adult looks good in a pair of leather jeans when their ass is too fat. Plus, imagine the disappointment of ordering a Happy Meal and spethifying a boy-toy, only to find a tiny plastic Alien figurine in your box. I am sure that would be very uncomfortable.

Welcome to San Francisco, did you want that with fries or a fruit?